Her Demons
by MichelleS-9
Summary: CaseyOlivia. Set after episode Intoxicated This won’t make much sense if you have not seen this specific episode When Olivia finally confesses the horrors of her teenage years, how does Casey react?


Law and Order: SVU

Pairing: Olivia Benson/Casey Novak

Summary: Set after episode Intoxicated (This won't make much sense if you have not seen this specific episode) When Olivia finally confesses the horrors of her teenage years, how does Casey react?

Disclaimer: The characters and the beginning lines are not my own… just borrowed… don't worry; I'll have them home before midnight!

FYI, I might be off slightly on the opening lines… this is my best recollection of them.

Chapter 1 – Demons and Disclosures

"My mother was an English professor. When I was sixteen, I started dating one of her students. He was a senior, he was twenty-one years old. And he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. Because I wanted to get away from my mother. She found out and she told me that if I didn't stop seeing him, that she would have him kicked out of college. And I told her that I was moving out. She was half way through a bottle of vodka and she dropped it. It shattered all over the floor. And then she picked up the jagged edge of the bottle and...and she came at me, screaming, 'I'll never let anyone else have you.' And so I kicked her, hard. And then I kicked her again. And she went flying across the room, into the wall. And she slid down to the floor. I'd never hurt her before. I ran out. I was so afraid ..." Olivia broke off.

"You didn't kill your mother, Olivia." Casey insisted.

"I know what it's like to want to," Olivia said bluntly. "That's how I know Simone Bryce. I called her back then. She was a law student, and she helped me survive it." 

"Why didn't Carrie say something?" Casey mused out loud. 

"Because then the abuse becomes real. If you keep quiet, you can pretend that it's not."

Casey couldn't believe it. She knew just from the rumors that flew around the precinct and courthouse that something had happened to Olivia. But she never imagined just how bad it might have been. A sudden rush of hate flew through her, not unlike the way she felt when the scumbags she sometimes prosecuted got off without a conviction.

Olivia was watching her. Closely. She couldn't say what exactly had made her want to tell Casey. She could argue to herself that the situation warranted it, or that Casey wouldn't have considered the plea bargain without knowing why, but really she knew that Casey wouldn't deny her anything. And she was right.

Casey Novak had fought her feelings for months. But one night, months ago, after shift with the crew, in a slightly intoxicated state, she told Olivia of her attraction. The officer had taken it in stride, telling the drunken woman that her heart belonged to another, and they had never spoken of the incident again.

But that didn't mean that Olivia had never taken advantage of it. She was by no means a stupid woman, and while exploitation wasn't her style, sometimes an edge with a normally ice cold ADA helped. This could have easily been one of those times.

"Olivia," the ADA whispered. "I never knew."

"Not many people do. And I would appreciate it if it stayed that way. I mean besides that attorney, no one. Not Elliot, or Captain Cragan. Not even…" she trailed off.

"The mystery person who has your heart?" Casey finished bluntly, looking down at the floor.

"Yeah. She never knew either."

"Was that past tense a slip of the tongue?"

Olivia was silent. She toyed with her water glass.

"I'm sorry. I should go." Casey turned to leave.

"No, you're right. I did use the past tense."

She turned back hesitantly. Olivia continued on.

"I guess there's really no point in still holding on."

Casey sat down next to her. "Did she leave?"

"You could say that."

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not. But under the circumstances, I can't say I'd blame you."

"You have no idea what I'm actually thinking. I am sorry. It clearly has you torn up inside." She motioned to the bartender. "I'll take an ice water."

Olivia looked down at her glass. "No one knew about us. It was a rather strange arrangement I guess. They say office romances never work. I guess this one was no different."

"I didn't realize that you worked with any other women."

"Well, I used to work quite closely with the ADA you replaced."

"Alexandra Cabot?"

"The one and only. I never wanted to look at another woman again. Especially not the one who replaced her." She looked over at Casey with a sad smile. "I didn't quite know what to say that day in the bar."

Casey took a slow drink. "Well it makes sense now. Although, I can honestly say it's the first time I've been passed up for a dead woman."

Olivia looked at her, but didn't say anything.

"All right. I'll make a plea bargain." She drained her glass, and dropped a few bills on the table. Without another word, she turned and left.

Olivia watched her go. When the ADA left the room, the tears started flowing. No one besides Elliot knew that Alex was actually alive. But what Elliot didn't even know, was that a few weeks ago, Olivia had gotten a letter. No return address and the postmark was conveniently smudged, but when Olivia opened it, she could tell by the handwriting that Alex had sent it.

It was short, and the writing wide, as if she had done it in a hurry. Olivia knew it was hastily written. But she still preferred to think it was well thought out, and mused over, maybe written a few times before she had decided it was good enough to send. After all, a 'Dear Jane' letter from a witness protection patron should be carefully crafted.

Olivia wondered what 'Tonya' was like. What she did for a living, where she worked. What she had that Olivia didn't. Well, besides Alex, that is. Olivia still remembered what she said to Alex, the night she left, when Elliot was talking to the agency's officer. How she would wait, for as long as it took. That she'd keep the secret, even if caught, tortured, even killed. That she loved the blonde ADA more than anyone else in her life. Alex had held her, whispered that it would be ok, they would be together again when that murderer was safely behind bars.

The tears were coming faster now. Another night alone, her apartment feeling more spacious than ever. She stood. The one thing she had left was her pride, and she'd be damned if she was going to lose that in a bar, surrounded by people she didn't know.

She stepped outside, wiping the tears from her eyes. Blindly, she stepped off the curb and towards where she knew her car waited, to drive her back to isolation. She didn't see the car until it was on her, lights bright in the dark night. As it sped towards her, the officer couldn't help but think that after all the cases she worked, and tight spots she had gotten out of, her downfall would be so mundane. But a hand grasped her arm, and tugged her back, and unbalanced, she fell back on to her rescuer, as they both landed hard on the curb.

"Olivia," Casey whispered. "Are you alright?"

Shaken, she whispered back. "No," and collapsed into the ADA's arms, crying.

---

"Here. Drink this, it'll make you feel better." Casey handed her a mug.

"I doubt it," Olivia replied, but she still took the mug with trembling hands. She curled her legs under her, suddenly chilled, even in the warmth of Casey's cozy apartment. She visibly shivered, and Casey retrieved a throw blanket from the back of the couch she sat on, to wrap it around the shaken woman.

"Thank you," Olivia said, tightening the blanket around herself.

"Olivia, what has you so upset?" Casey asked her bluntly.

Olivia couldn't bring herself to meet the other woman's eyes. "It's everything."

Casey watched her closely. "I don't buy it. There's something. Olivia, let me in. Don't hold it in, that's just going to eat at you, until it consumes you completely." She slid closer to Olivia, and reached a tentative hand out to rest on Olivia's back. She didn't pull away.

"I shouldn't be telling you this." Olivia put her face in her hands. "I'm going against everything I am, and what I stand for."

"You can trust me."

She smiled. "I know I can." She drew in a shaky breath. "Casey, Alex isn't dead."

Casey blinked, and looked at Olivia in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"She never died; she's in the witness protection program."

It all clicked for Casey. "It all makes sense now."

"She came to see me and Elliot, just before she left. Told us she was alive. She didn't want me to hurt, didn't want me to be destroyed. Gave me hope. But now…"

"But now what?"

"She sent me a letter. Told me she'd met someone. Said she was sorry. But she doesn't think she will ever want to return to her life here."

Casey pulled Olivia to her, and wrapped her arms around the trembling woman. "Oh, Olivia. I'm so sorry."

Olivia leaned into the embrace, and nestled her head in the crook of the other woman's neck. She breathed in deep, a smell that was uniquely Casey filled her senses. She'd missed this comfort, the feeling of being in someone's arms, safe and warm. She tightened her hold around Casey, and the other woman kept her grip strong, as she lowered them gently to a more comfortable position. Olivia sighed contentedly, and placed a gentle kiss on the ADA's cheek. "Thank you," she whispered. She fell into a deep sleep, with Casey gently rubbing her back, a sad smile on her face.

---

"Has a plea bargain been reached?"

"It has, your honor."

"Very well. The defendant will spend 5 years in the custody of the juvenile detention center."

Casey nodded, and stood as the defendant was led out. The defense lawyer approached her.

"Miss Novak, I polled the jury. 11 thought she was guilty. You had your conviction. Why the plea bargain? What changed your mind?"

Casey looked out towards the nearly empty courtroom.

Olivia sat in the back, an unreadable expression on her face.


End file.
